Please take care while reading: This blog shares my unfiltered thoughts, including reflections on difficult personal experiences. If sensitive topics such as mental health, addiction, trauma or loss may be distressing, please take care or consider not continuing.
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Nothing
A mental breakdown had me crying the past evening away and then, listless til 4am.
Awoke with a start this morning; his alarm made me jump from bed.
I then chose not to pick up a call from my mother. I rarely ever do that. But I just couldn't bring myself to endure conversation, not today. She deserves a warm voice at the end of the line, I know she'll worry otherwise.
Now I'm willing myself to go to sleep and have a more productive day tomorrow.
Walk: 7km
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Somewhere only we know, Keane
Today hurt. I feel very alone. Where are my dreams? It feels like they’ve gone to die, and I’ve gone with them.
Years, and years, and years later and here we are, back at square one. Back in that circular, maroon-tiled bathroom, clutching a vial stolen from a locker. Back standing high above, a game of dare over the edge. All that kept me going during those painful years was a promise I’d made myself. A promise that I believed in with all my heart. A promise that I seem to have broken.
I don’t like life; the living, creating, trying and trying. The little highs pale in comparison to the terrible lows. I’m tired. I’m so tired and I don’t know how to get out of this hole.
Walk: 8km
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In Too Far, Acceptance
Well, I think I'm going to call this place home now.
A home to pen my thoughts onto paper (or in this case, pixels) without the anxiety of prying eyes or perfect grammar. The body of unscrubbed thoughts that swim round and round in my head will now have their much needed exit.
Time to go back to basics! God knows I've missed it, and deeply regret deleting my many past journals. So hello, new journal, I promise to keep you alive this time; and as my memory tires, you can do the same for me.