sad
23, Jimmy Eat World
I’ve been greeted with a reminder of just how much can change within a few hours. Banging doors, shouts of fury at 5 in the morning. Cries of apologies after. My heart is in two and it aches terribly. I've never been afraid of him, but I was left shaking last night. I felt something in me break. I wonder if it will remain like this; like an ugly stain that won't come off no matter how hard you scrub at it.
In the end, I couldn’t find the headspace to attend tonight. I insisted he go without me. A voice at the back of my mind keeps telling me that it was meant to turn out this way. I wish I could drink myself into oblivion, stop worrying about what the neighbours heard. Just something to take the edge off. Its times like these where staying sober is hardest. Times like these I want to burn up from shame.
He’ll be gone tomorrow and I have a few days to get my head straight. The idea of somewhere else seems much more appealing by the days. All I can do tonight is spend it on the verge of tears.