sad
23, Jimmy Eat World
I’ve been greeted with a reminder of just how much can change within a few hours. Banging doors, shouts of fury at 5 in the morning. Cries of apologies after. My heart is in two and it aches terribly. I'd never been afraid of you, but I was left shaking last night. I felt something in me break. I wonder if it will remain like this; like an ugly stain on the carpet that won't come off now matter how hard you scrub at it.
In the end, I couldn’t find the headspace to attend tonight. I insisted you go without me. A voice at the back of my mind keeps telling me that it was meant to turn out this way. I wish I could drink myself into oblivion, wish I’m not so hellbent on staying sober, worrying about coming off indecent to the neighbours. I’ll draft my escape plans. You’ll be gone tomorrow and I have a few days to get my head straight. The idea of somewhere else seems much more appealing by the days. All I can do tonight is spend it on the verge of tears.