I feel a dire need to get this off my chest
Dear you, I now feel the same as when I lost you the first time, then the second. My heart simply refused to let you go, so my head took to burying you so deep that I’d lose any memory of you. It was only trying to free me from torment, so I could somehow go on again. Then years later, you appeared in a dream, and broke the floodgates.
And now it's too late. I am once again, completely and utterly consumed by you. And this brings me to tears, because there is nothing I can do about it. Is this an obsession, limerance… a strange sort of addiction? Surely, this can't be healthy; does it make me crazy, to still feel for you so deeply, uncontrollably?
I've resigned to accepting it, to carrying you quietly in my heart. You are its little secret that keeps it warm. It was always yours, and so I could never love another quite as much, even if I wanted to pretend I could. I’ve learned that now. A lot has come to light since, like how I ended up with a partner that in hindsight shared many of your quirks. I suppose I was always looking for a second chance to live our story.
I will get by on the small mercies I am fortunate to have preserved in memory; the timbre of your voice, the safe touch of your hands, the softness behind your eyes… when you knew a geographical term only because it reminded you of my last name.
If we never meet again, I hope you forgive me. I hope you find someone that loves you fully and gently, and protects that spark inside of you, because you are so special, and you deserve it all. You truly do.